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THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


M' 


e 


• 


EARLY 


RELIGIOUS  HISTORY  OF 

JOHN   BARR, 

WRITTEN    BY    HIMSELF,  'V^^ 

'■1 

i^SD   LEFT   AS    A   LEGACY   TO   HIS    GEAXD-CHILDRBN. 
TO   -R-HICH   IS   ADDED 


A  SKETCH  OF  HIS  CHARACTER. 

PHILADELPHIA: 

PRESBYTERIAN   BOARD   OF   PUBLICATION, 

No.  265  CHESTNUT  STREET. 


Entered  according  to  the  Act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1852,  by 

Alexander    "W.    Mitchell,  M.  D. 

In  the  office  of  the  Clerk  of  the  District  Court  for  tne 
Eastern  District  of  Pennsylvania. 


/ 

# 

/ 


Stereotyped  by  Slote  &  Moonet,  Philadelphia, 


d 


€  0  n  t  c  n  t  0  ♦ 


CHAPTER  I. 

Address  to  his  Grand-children — Family  History — Early 
Life  —  Remarkable  Dream — Religious  Impressions — 
Escape  from  Drowning, 5 

CHAPTER   II. 

Various  Exercises  of  Mind — Preparation  for  the  Lord's 
Supper^ 23 

CHAPTER  III. 
A  remarkable  Sabbath, 35 

CHAPTER    IV. 

Various  Temptations — Sahbath  Exercises, 43 

CHAPTER  V. 

Remarks  on  Salvation  by  Grace — On  reading  the  Scrip- 
tures in  Family  Worship, 54 


Sketch  of  his  Character, 63 

^     550162         ^"^ 


i 


EARLY  RELIGIOUS  HISTORY 


OP 


JOHN    BARE 


CHAPTER    I. 


Address  to  his  Grand-children — Family  History — Early  Life- 
Remarkable  Dream — Religious  Impressions — Escape  from 
Drowning. 

My  Dear  Children  : — My  heart's  desire 
and  prayer  to  God  for  you  is,  that  you  may 
be  saved. 

"What  advantages  or  disadvantages  the  age 
you  are  now  entering  on  may  offer  for  that 
purpose,  is  to  me  altogether  unknown.  If 
you  should  be  so  happy  as  never  to  hear  the 
doctrine  of  salvation  by  grace,  or  the  opera- 
tions of  the  Holy  Spirit  on  the  human  heart, 
doubted  by  some,  and  denied  and  derided  by 
1*  (5) 


6       EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

otliers,  you  may,  in  this  respect  at  least,  be 
said  to  live  in  a  better  age  than  your  grand- 
father did.  To  give  my  feeble  testimony  to 
the  truth  of  these  doctrines,  is  what  is  prin- 
cipally intended  in  the  following  narrative. 
Subordinate  to  this,  is  a  desire  to  leave  a 
pledge  of  my  respect  and  affection  for  you, 
that  when  I  am  silent  in  the  dust,  you  may 
have  these  lines  to  serve  as  a  memorandum, 
to  remind  you  that  you  had  a  grandfather 
who  cared  for  you  while  living,  and  who, 
"being  dead,  yet  speaketh."  You  may  also 
profit  by  my  mistakes  and  errors,  which  are 
every  where  to  be  seen  ;  and  if  you  find  any- 
thing worthy  of  imitation,  copy  after  it,  not 
as  the  example  of  a  weak,  falhble  creature ; 
but  as  you  find  it  authorized  and  approved 
by  the  oracles  of  truth. 

Let  me  hope  that  none  of  you  will  defer 
religion  as  long  as  I  did,  and  upon  the  same 
mistaken  and  presumptuous  grounds.  The 
sooner  you  get  it  the  better.  In  a  word,  let 
it  be  your  first,  your  chief  concern,  to  become 
religious.  "With  this  you  will  be  rich,  though 
you  have  nothing  else — "  As  having  nothing. 


OFJOHNBARR.  7 

and  yet  possessing  all  things."  I  know  not 
how  to  conclude  this  address  better  than  in 
the  words  of  inspiration  by  Moses  and  the 
apostle  Paul,  to  which  I  will  add  my  Amen. 
"  The  Lord  bless  you  and  keep  you — the 
Lord  lift  up  his  countenance  upon  you  and 
give  you  peace."  "Now  the  God  of  peace 
make  you  perfect  in  every  good  work  to  do 
his  will,  working  in  you  that  which  is  well 
pleasing  in  his  sight,  through  Jesus  Christ,  to 
whom  be  glory  for  ever  and  ever.  Amen,  and 
Amen." 

I  WAS  born  in  the  lower  part  of  Pennsyl- 
vania in  the  fall  of  the  year  1749,  of  L'ish 
parents. 

The  spring  following,  my  father  moved  up 
to  Little  Connewago,  York  county,  where  he 
lived  till  1765,  when  he  came  to  Rowan 
county,  North  Carolina,  October  5th,  and 
died  the  year  following,  October  31st,  at  the 
age  of  57  years,  leaving  four  daughters  and 
five  sons.  My  father's  name  was  William. 
He  was  of  a  middle  stature,  plain  in  his  man- 
ners, mild  in  his  deportment,  and  exemplary 


8       EAKLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

in  his  life.  His  talents  were  moderate,  and 
he  seemed  to  excel  in  no  one  except  in 
strength  of  memory.  My  youngest  sister 
was  married  to  John  McCorkle,  January 
2Tth,  1774. 

On  the  4th  of  April,  1776,  I  was  joined  in 
marriage  to  Mary  King,  daughter  of  E-ichard 
King,  by  whom  I  had  ten  children. 

But  it  is  now  time  to  take  a  retrospect  of 
the  former  part  of  my  life.  "  "When  I  was  a 
child,  I  spake  as  a  child,  I  understood  as  a 
child,  I  thought  as  a  child."  Thus  far  I 
could  imitate  the  great  apostle ;  but  when  I 
became  a  man,  I  found  it  not  so  easy  with  him 
to  "put  away  childish  things.''  At  the  age 
of  sixty-five  years,  it  will  not  be  expected 
that  anything  more  than  a  sketch  can  be 
given,  and  that  a  very  imperfect  one ;  but  it 
may  be  depended  on,  so  far  as  it  goes,  to  be 
correct. 

Being  born  of  religious  parents,  their  care 
and  attention  was  exercised  in  endeavouring 
to  bring  me  up  in  the  nui'ture  and  fear  of 
God.  I  seemed  naturally  to  have  an  attach- 
ment to  books,  and  was  fond  of  learning  to 


OF    JOHN    BARR.  9 

read,  and  was  not  without  some  very  early 
serious  impressions,  whether  they  could  be 
called  religious  or  not.  I  was  told  that  hea- 
ven was  a  pretty  place  and  that  good  people 
went  there.  I  wondered  that  every  body  did 
not  be  good.  I  think,  about  the  age  of  three 
or  four,  my  father  bought  me  a  new  book 
with  a  sky-blue  cover,  which  recommended  it 
to  me  very  much.  I  thought  heaven  was  all 
like  the  cover  of  my  book. 

I  recollect  about  this  time  to  have  asked 
my  mother  what  people  should  do  to  get  to 
heaven.  She  told  me  if  I  wanted  to  go  to 
heaven,  I  must  be  a  good  boy — must  say  my 
prayers — read  my  book — not  fight  or  tell 
lies,  &c.  These  conditions  I  thought  I  could 
very  easily  comply  with ;  but  thought  it  was 
not  enough  to  pray  twice  a  day,  and  asked 
her  why  people  did  not  keep  praying  always. 
She  told  me  people  could  not  live  without 
eating,  and  must  work  to  get  something  to 
eat.  I  saw  the  force  of  this,  and  made  no 
reply ;  yet  still  I  thought  with  myself,  that  if 
people  would  do  nothing  but  pray  till  they 
should  die  of  hunger,  it  would  be  very  likely 


10     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

^  to  secure  heaven  to  them.  I  thought  that  if 
praying  twice  a  day  would  make  me  good, 
praying  seven  times  a  day  would  make  me 
better.  This  was  more  than  mere  specu- 
lation. I  actually  tried  to  put  it  in  practice, 
BO  early  and  deeply  rooted  did  the  legal  spirit 
appear.  I  soon,  however,  began  to  relax  a 
little,  and  it  was  not  long  till  I  thought  twice 
a  day  was  too  much  trouble.  And  I  know 
not  whether  I  should  not  have  laid  it  aside 
altogether,  had  it  not  been  for  some  alarm- 
ing dreams  I  had  about  this  time.  I  fre- 
quently dreamed  that  the  day  of  judgment 
was  come,  and  it  always  found  me  un- 
prepared. One  dream  in  particular  I  will 
here  insert  at  length,  which  made  an  impres- 
sion on  my  mind  that  I  could  not  easily 
shake  off. 

I  thought  I  was  on  a  vast  extended  plain, 
where  I  could  see  in  every  direction  as  far  as 
the  eye  could  reach.  And  looking  up  to  the 
sky,  I  thought  it  parted  and  fell  off  to  each 
side — when,  to  my  no  small  astonishment,  a 
light  which  darkened  the  sun,  appeared  in  the 
opening  a  little  south  of  where  I  stood.     I 


OFJOHNBAER.  11 

did  not  hesitate  a  moment  about  the  cause  of 
this  light.  I  had  no  doubt  that  it  was  Christ 
coming  to  judgment.  I  saw  the  appearance 
of  one  like  the  Son  of  Man  clothed  in  light, 
attended  with  thousands  and  tens  of  thou- 
sands of  shining  forms  which  I  supposed  to 
be  angels,  descending  as  if  to  the  spot  where 
I  stood,  but  he  stopped  in  the  region  of  the 
clouds,  and  did  not  come  quite  to  the  ground. 
I  saw  a  throne  erected,  and  heard  the  loud 
trumpet  sound,  "  arise,  ye  dead,  and  come  to 
judgment."  I  cast  my  eyes  around  and  saw 
the  earth  teeming  with  its  former  inhabitants, 
the  dead  rising  in  every  direction.  Some 
had  got  on  their  feet —  others  appeared  in  a 
sitting  position — whilst  only  the  heads  of 
some  were  to  be  seen  above  ground.  But 
this  I  observed,  that  all  faces  were  turned  to- 
wards where  I  was,  and  every  one,  so  soon 
as  disengaged  from  his  clay,  moved  with 
hasty  steps  towards  the  centre  where  I  stood, 
till  a  countless  multitude  filled  the  plain.  I 
should  have  been  very  glad  to  have  been 
only  a  spectator  of  this  scene ;  but  found  I 
must  have  a  share,  and  act  a  part  in  it.     The 


12     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

order  of  process  I  do  not  so  well  recollect,  aa 
what  followed  it,  which  I  suppose  I  shall 
never  forget,  so  long  as  I  am  capable  of  re- 
membering any  thing.  A  separation  took 
place  in  this  vast  assembly — one  part  seemed 
to  mount  as  on  eao-les'  wino^s  towards  heaven. 
I  followed  them  with  a  wishful  eye,  till  out  of 
sight,  but  remained  still  with  those  left  upon 
the  ground.  It  was  not  long  however  till  the 
multitude  on  the  ground  was  put  in  motion 
by  legions  of  frightful  beings,  which  I  had  no 
doubt  were  devils ;  and  I  among  the  rest  de- 
scended a  long  dechvity,  at  the  end  of  which, 
as  I  expected,  we  came  in  sight  of  hell's  gate. 
It  was  not  without  great  reluctance  that  I 
proceeded — and  though  I  felt  no  external 
force  pushing  me  forward,  yet  I  was  somehow 
impelled  to  move  on  in  a  way  that  I  could 
not  resist.  I  at  last  came  to  the  gate,  and 
set  my  foot  upon  the  threshold — the  gate  was 
wide  and  had  been  crowded  for  some  time.  I 
being  near  the  last  was  not  jostled  by  any 
person.  I  took  my  stand  on  the  threshold, 
laying  fast  hold  of  one  of  the  side-posts,  and 
looked  in.     It  was  a  most  dismal  place,  be- 


OFJOHNBABE.  13 

yond  all  description  or  conception  I  had 
formed  of  it.  Some  parts  had  the  blackness 
of  darkness — in  others,  objects  could  be  seen 
in  a  dim  twilight.  I  observed  that  it  -svas 
much  easier  to  get  in  than  to  get  out  again,  the 
way  to  it  being  down  hill,  the  door  but  little 
raised,  and  then  a  perpendicular  pitch  down, 
more  than  the  length  of  a  man's  body.  I 
thought  with  myself  that  if  I  should  once  go 
in,  I  w^ould  never  get  out  again ;  and  resolved 
that  I  would  not  go  in,  if  I  could  do  otherwise. 

0  !  how  precious  did  time  appear  to  me  then ! 

1  thought  if  I  had  but  one  day,  how  I  would 
improve  it !  how  I  would  pray,  and  strive,  and 
live !  The  thoughts  of  going  into  hell  were 
greatly  aggravated  too,  by  the  hopes  I  had 
formerly  entertained  of  getting  into  the  joys 
of  heaven.  I  did  not  know,  however,  but  a 
prayer  might  be  heard  from  the  very  gates  of 
hell,  and  resolved  that  if  I  could  do  nothing 
else,  I  would  pray  even  before  I  went  into  it, 
I  had  learned  the  Lord's  prayer,  which  was 
all  that  I  made  use  of  at  that  time,  and  be- 
gan to  say  it  over  as  w^ell  as  I  could ;  but  my 
fears  of    every  moment  dropping  into  hell 

2 


,14      EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

awoke  me,  when  I  found  myself  about  half 
through,  speaking  with  an  audible,  broken 
accent,  weeping  at  the  same  time.  Some 
of  the  family  awoke  me,  and  asked  what 
ailed  me.  I  answered  that  I  had  only  been 
dreaming. 

This  dream  appears  to  me  a  little  extraor- 
dinary on  two  accounts. 

1.  The  order  and  regularity  of  it,  which  is 
not  common  to  me  in  dreaming.  However 
regular  my  thoughts  might  appear  to  be  in 
sleep,  I  had  but  few  dreams  that  would  stand 
the  sober  investigation  and  reflection  of  wak- 
ing hours  ;  but,  generally  speaking,  they  were 
too  full  of  inconsistencies  and  incoherencies  to 
be  classed  among  the  cogitations  of  a  rational 
creature. 

2.  I  could  hardly  persuade  myself  other- 
wise than  that  some  things  in  it  were  beyond 
my  acquired  knowledge  at  that  time.  I  recol- 
lect some  time  after  to  have  read  a  description 
of  the  general  judgment,  which  placed  the 
seat  of  it  in  the  air,  and  was  struck  with  the 
likeness  that  appeared  between  the  descrip- 
tion in  that  particular  and  my  dream ;  but 


OFJOHNBARR.  15 

cannot  recollect  to  have  had  any  other  idea 
before,  than  that  it  should  be  upon  the  earth. 
But  here  perhaps  I  may  incur  the  charge 
of  enthusiasm,  in  seeming  to  indicate  that  I 
had  a  new  revelation  in  sleep.  I  do  not  ad- 
mit the  charge,  for  two  reasons :  Fii'stj  I  am 
not  certain  that  I  had  not  the  idea  before ; 
my  not  being  able  to  recollect  it,  is  not  suffi- 
cient evidence  to  my  own  mind  that  no  such  idea 
existed  there ;  but  of  this  I  am  certain,  that 
if  I  had  the  idea,  it  had  made  very  little  im- 
pression on  my  mind.  Secondly,  on  the  sup- 
position that  I  had  not  the  idea  before,  it  was 
not  what  I  would  call  a  new  revelation,  but 
what  was  before  plainly  revealed.  In  1  Thes- 
salonians  iv.  17,  Paul  mentions  at  least  the 
saints  meeting  the  Lord  in  the  air,  whether 
he  will  descend  with  them  to  the  new  earth 
(as  some  think,)  or  not.  So  that  taken  either 
way,  that  I  had,  or  had  not  the  idea  before,  I 
can  see  nothing  but  what  is  in  perfect  unison 
with  the  promise  of  the  Comforter,  (John  xiv, 
26,)  who  was  to  teach  things  before  unnoticed 
or  unknown,  and  bring  to  remembrance  things 
that  were  known  before.     I  know  it  may  be 


16     EAELY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

said,  that  "  although  in  the  earlv  ages  God 
was  pleased  to  communicate  instruction  by 
dreams,  visions,  &c.,  as  Elihu  observes,  (Job 
xxxiii.  14 — 16,)  in  this  age  of  the  world,  it 
seems  rather  superstitious  to  expect  commu- 
nications in  sleep,  when  we  have  now  a  more 
sure  word  of  prophecy." 

I  must  confess  that  I  am  no  great  advocate 
for  dreams,  and  that  any  communications  that 
are  now  made,  when  the  canon  of  Scripture 
is  completed,  must  be  in  conformity  with  the 
written  word ;  but  if  a  revealed  truth  that 
had  been  but  little  known,  or  scarcely  noticed 
before,  is  in  a  dream  more  deeply  impressed 
on  the  mind,  I  should  be  unwilling  to  reject 
it ;  because  I  believe  that  there  may  be  a  good 
as  well  as  an  evil  agency  on  our  minds  in 
sleep,  and  that  we  may  now  be  instructed 
in  the  night  season,  as  well  as  those  in  Da- 
vid's time.  For  this  we  have  the  authority 
of  the  apostle  Peter,  in  his  quotation  of,  and 
comment  on  the  prophet  Joel,  (Acts  ii.  17,) 
that  dreams  should  be  occasioned  by,  or  be  a 
consequence  of,  the  pouring  out  of  the  Spii'it. 

I  shall  now  dismiss  this  particular,  by  ob- 


OFJOHNBARR.  17 

serving,  with  an  eminent  English  writer,* 
"  That  the  phenomenon  of  dreaming  is  inex- 
plicable at  least,  if  not  absolutely  impossible, 
without  taking  in  the  agency  and  intervention 
of  spiritual  beings  to  us  invisible." 

About  the  age  of  five  or  six,  I  was  much 
entertained  with  a  little  book  written,  I  think, 
by  James  Janeway,  on  the  piety  and  happy 
deaths  of  children,  from  the  age  I  then  was 
and  upward.  If  I  recollect  right,  the  title 
was,  "Janeway's  Token  for  Children."  I 
remember  once  taking  it  out  to  the  field — 
(I  think  I  had  some  small  charge  assigned  to 
me  of  keeping  cattle  from  the  corn,  which 
required  but  little  attention,)  and  sitting  down 
on  a  log,  and  reading  till  my  eyes  so  over- 
flowed with  tears,  that  I  could  not  see  to  read 
any  more.  I  knelt  down  and  prayed.  I  had 
by  this  time  learned  some  forms  of  prayer 
out  of  my  mother's  catechism ;  but  this  was 
the  first  time  I  recollect  to  have  ventured  to 
make  use  of  my  own  words,  or  what  is  called 
extemporary  prayer.  Thus  I  spent  perhaps 
some  hours,  reading  and  praying  alternately. 

*  Baxter  on  the  Vis  Inertice  in  Kewton,  vol.  1st. 

2* 


18     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

I  thought  it  Tvould  be  a  very  desirable  event 
to  die  and  go  to  heaven.  I  could  not  content 
myself  with  being  a  common  Christian.  I 
wanted  to  be  eminent  for  piety  and  religion. 
But  these  thoughts  having  spent  their  force,  I 
returned  again  to  my  former  state  of  coldness 
and  carelessness. 

At  eight  years  of  age,  I  attended  preach- 
ing frequently  ;  and  although  it  was  not  much 
calculated  to  alarm  sinners,  yet  I  went  home 
sometimes  very  uneasy.  When  the  works  of 
a  true  believer  were  described,  I  found  I 
could  not  apply  them.  I  was  however  fruit- 
ful in  expedients,  to  prevent  myself  from 
being,  as  I  thought,  too  much  disturbed. 
Yet  I  found  that  I  had  enough  to  do  to  per- 
suade myself  that  all  was  well  with  me. 

The  first  expedient  that  occurred  to  me 
was,  "  that  I  was  as  good  as  my  neighbours, 
and  if  it  fared  ill  with  me,  it  would  fare  ill 
with  a  great  many."  This  satisfied  me  for  a 
while,  till  at  last  I  thought  if  it  should  fare 
ill  with  others,  it  would  be  but  a  poor  conso- 
lation for  me,  that  I  had  gone  to  hell  for  the 
sake  of  company !     In  another  expedient,  I 


OFJOnXBAEE.  19 

thought  I  was  more  correct  and  more  ra- 
tional. I  knew  that  it  was  the  preacher's 
business  to  try  to  make  the  people  good,  and 
that  people  were  more  disposed  to  stop  short 
of  the  line  of  rectitude,  than  to  reach  or  go 
over  it.  I  thought  then  that  it  was  a  piece 
of  wise  policy  in  a  preacher,  when  drawing 
the  character  of  a  man,  to  go  a  little  over  the 
mark  in  order  to  bring  the  people  up  to  it : 
or  perhaps  draw  the  character  of  a  man  far 
advanced  in  religion,  which  the  younir  s^.- 
ginner  was  by  no  means  yet  able  to  lir.  ate. 
In  this  dexterous  way  of  reason jl/.  and  in 
which  I  was  no  doubt  assisted  b"  an  invisible 
agency,  I  got  the  clamors  of  an  awakened 
conscience  laid  asleep  again. 

With  respect  to  my  external  conduct,  it 
was  in  the  main  irreproachable;  but  I  had  a 
vain  and  empty  mind,  excessively  fond  of 
hearing  my  own  praise ;  and  perhaps  from  no 
higher  motive,  was  urged  on  to  what  was 
deemed  laudable.  At  the  age  of  eleven,  I 
suppose  I  could  have  answered,  without  hesi- 
tation, every  question  in  the  Larger  and 
Shorter  Catechisms.     About  this  time,  Mr. 


20    EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

Thompson,  our  minister,  came  round  in  a 
course  of  family  visitation — and  observing  me 
to  be  forward  in  answering  questions,  lie 
asked  my  father  how  old  I  was.  On  being 
informed,  he  said  I  ought  to  be  put  to  the 
Latin  school.  My  father  said  nothing  about 
my  want  of  capacity  to  learn,  but  expressed 
some  doubt  of  his  circumstances  being  ade- 
quate to  such  an  undertaking.  This  was  food 
for  my  vanity.  I  began  to  think  I  was  almost 
half  a  preacher  already,  and  was  vain  and 
foolish  enough  to  learn  little  scraps  of  Latin 
out  of  old  authors,  when  they  were  put  into 
English,  such  as  "  Quamvis  sis  in  tuto,  noli 
esse  securus' — Though  you  be  safe,  be  not 
secure.  But  after  all,  my  splendid  talents 
amounted  to  little  more  than  an  ease  or  fa- 
cility in  committing  anything  to  memory,  and 
a  power  of  retaining  it,  when  some  of  my 
brothers  were  greatly  superior  in  depth, 
strength,  and  solidity  of  judgment. 

When  I  was  about  fifteen,  my  father  sold 
his  land  in  order  to  move ;  which  he  did  the 
year  following.  Having  then  little  to  do  on 
the  farm,  I  had  much  leisure ;  some  of  it  I 


0  F    J  0  H  X     B  A  R  R  .  21 

spent  in  going  to  school,  and  on  vacant  days 
would  sometimes  join  a  fishing  party.  One 
day  I  went  alone  to  a  mill-pond  about  a  mile 
from  home.  Soon  after  I  let  down  my  hook, 
I  found  it  was  fast  on  some  old  wood  that 
lay  concealed  in  the  water.  Being  afraid  of 
breaking  my  line,  and  consequently  losing  my 
hook,  which  was  a  borrowed  one,  I  thought 
of  trying  to  wade  in  to  get  it  off.  In  this 
attempt,  to  human  appearance,  I  was  the 
nearest  to  death  that  I  ever  was  in  my  life. 
What  David  said  frequently  to  Jonathan — 
"  there  is  but  one  step  between  me  and  death" 
— was  more  than  Hterally  true,  when  there 
was  apparently  not  half  a  step  with  me. 

Not  knowing  the  depth  of  the  water,  I  pro- 
ceeded with  some  caution  a  few  steps,  when  I 
was  suddenly  alarmed  at  not  finding  the  bot- 
tom— and  had  imprudently  ventured  so  far  in 
feeling  for  it,  that  I  found  it  much  easier  to 
go  forward  than  to  get  back.  Thus  fixed  in 
a  kind  of  poise,  death  appeared  on  one  side, 
and  life  on  the  other,  and  I  hung  for  a  few 
moments  in  doubtful  suspense  between  them  ! 
I  could  not  swim,  and  feared  that  I  should 


22      EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

sink ;    tlie  balance  however  soon  tui'ned  in 
favour  of  life. 

I  was  glad  to  get  out  again.  But  my  hook 
was  still  fast.  I  then  went  up  a  small  dis- 
tance, to  where  some  boys  were  at  work  in  a 
clearing ;  told  them  how  I  was  situated,  with 
the  attempt  I  had  made.  They  were  alarmed 
on  hearing  the  danger  I  had  just  escaped,  and 
came  down  with  me;  and  being  better  ac- 
quainted with  the  fishing  business  than  I  was, 
got  my  hook  off  safely. 

They  told  me  that  the  water  there  was  ten 
feet  deep ;  that  the  bank  at  which  I  had 
stopped  was  perpendicular,  being  the  bank  of 
the  creek's  former  channel.  After  thanking 
them  for  their  kind  assistance,  I  was  content  to 
go  home  without  any  further  attempt  at  fishing. 
And  although  I  considered  myself  very  for- 
tunate in  having  made  such  a  narrow  escape, 
yet  the  impression  on  my  mind  was  very 
superficial.  I  thought  more  about  it  seven  or 
eight  years  after,  than  I  did  at  the  time.  In 
these  days  of  vanity  and  dissipation,  serious 
thoughts  were  almost  banished  from  my  mind. 


OF    JOHN    BARR.  23 


CHAPTER    II. 

Various  Exercises  of  Mind — Preparation  for  the  Lord's  Supper. 

After  coming  to  Carolina,  I  found  myself 
for  some  time  rather  lonesome,  being  cut  off 
from  intercourse  with  my  former  companions. 
I  had  however  much  time  for  thought  and  re- 
flection. There  was  then  no  stated  preach- 
ing in  this  country,  but  only  occasional  sup- 
plies from  the  northward,  which  were  most 
frequent  in  the  winter  season.  Our  long 
summer  Sabbaths  were  mostly  silent.  These 
however  afforded  a  great  deal  of  time  for 
reading  as  well  as  rest.  Being  fond  of  read- 
ing and  rest  too,  the  Sabbath  was  to  me 
generally  a  welcome  day.  And  I  sometimes 
thought  that  the  sun  shone  with  more  beauty 
and  benignity  on  that  day  than  on  any  other  ; 
that  it  seemed  to  give  a  more  pleasing  aspect 
to  the  whole  face  of  nature. 

About  this  time  I  was  much  delighted  in 
reading  the  dying  sayings  of  good  men,  in 


24    EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

"Willison's  Afflicted  Man's  Companion."  I 
thought  sometimes  that  if  I  could  die  like 
some  of  them,  I  did  not  much  care  how  soon, 
and  sometimes  meditated  on  the  jojs  of  hea- 
ven till  my  eyes  would  overflow  with  tears, 
not  of  sorrow  or  remorse,  but  of  joy,  of  gra- 
titude, of  desire,  and,  as  I  thought,  of  love. 
About  the  year  1772,  the  Rev.  Mr.  Harris 
took  the  charge  of  Thyatira  congregation  for 
one  or  two  years.  In  the  after  part  of  the 
summer  of  1773,  the  administration  of  the 
sacrament  of  the  supper  was  proposed — pre- 
paratory to  which  several  days  were  appointed 
for  catechizing  young  people  who  had  in  pros- 
pect to  come  forward  for  the  first  time.  I 
attended  with  the  rest,  and  being  found  to 
have  a  competency  of  knowledge,  and  nothing 
against  my  moral  character,  the  way  was  open 
for  my  admission.  Self-examination  was, 
however,  to  be  attended  to.  This  I  found  to 
be  a  pretty  difficult  business,  for  which  I  had 
neither  much  inclination  nor  capacity — but 
was  determined  that  in  the  result  it  ought  to 
come  out  in  my  favour.  And  so  it  did.  Eut 
it  cost  me  some  trouble,  both  with  respect  to 


OFJOHXBARR.  25 

my  general  character  as  a  Christian,  and  more 
especially  as  to  the  exercises  of  some  particu- 
lar graces.  Faith  and  repentance  I  had  un- 
derstood to  be  essential  to  the  Christian  cha- 
racter. Faith  I  thought  to  be  quite  an  easy 
thing,  and  that  I  could  believe  as  well  as  any 
body.  I  was  not  so  certain  about  repentance 
— but  a  little  doubtful  whether  ever  I  had  re- 
pented in  my  life.  I  knew  I  had  sometimes 
been  sorry  for  sin,  but  whether  my  sorrow 
was  of  that  kind  and  degree  that  was  neces- 
sary to  constitute  true  repentance,  I  could 
not  so  well  determine. 

However,  I  thought  it  was  best  to  make 
sure  work  of  it,  and  begin  then,  if  I  had 
never  done  it  before.  Not  knowing  or  con- 
sidering that  Jesus  Christ  was  exalted  to  give 
repentance,  &:c.,  I  set  myself  to  perform  that 
good  work  in  my  own  strength.  To  effect 
this,  I  tried  to  call  up  all  my  sins,  and  set 
them  in  order  before  me.  But  I  had  been 
such  an  innocent  creature,  I  could  not  find 
materials  to  lay  a  foundation,  on  which  I  could 
build  repentance.  I  believe  I  rather  repented 
that  I  had  not  been  a  greater  sinner,  and 
3 


26     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

almost  envied  the  situation  of  a  malefactor 
condemned  for  murder,  or  some  atrocious 
crime,  and  even  once  thought  of  committing 
some  gross  sin  that  would  cause  remorse,  and 
lay  a  foundation  for  repentance.  From  what- 
ever source  this  thought  proceeded,  whether 
from  a  heart  blinded  by  ignorance  and  vice, 
or  by  the  ruler  of  the  darkness  of  this  world, 
it  was  too  gross  to  admit  of  a  moment's 
serious  investigation. 

I  saw  then  no  other  way  than,  like  Saul 
with  the  burnt-offering,  "to  force  myself;'* 
but  in  this  attempt  also  I  failed.  It  gave  me 
some  uneasiness,  that  there  was  a  grace  that 
I  knew  to  be  absolutely  necessary  to  salvation, 
and  yet  I  could  not  exercise  it.  I  read  much 
on  the  subject  to  little  advantage,  and  at  last 
laid  it  aside,  as  an  uncertainty  which  I  would 
perhaps  know  more  al)out  afterwards.  I  was 
told  that  two  things  were  necessary  to  fit  us 
for  the  communion,  viz.  "  a  gracious  state, 
and  a  gracious  frame  ;"  that  it  was  not  enough 
to  have  grace  in  the  cold  habit,  but  that  it 
must  be  brought  into  lively  exercise. 

With  regard  to  the  first,  I  carefully  exam- 


OF    JOHN    BARR.  27 

ined  "  Guthrie's  Trial  of  a  Saving  Interest," 
and  found  different  exercises  applied  to  dif- 
ferent descriptions  of  characters  : — that  to 
those  who  had  the  advantages  of  a  religious 
education,  early  instruction,  and  were  moral 
in  their  lives,  the  change  was  generally  more 
gradual,  and  less  perceptible  than  in  the  more 
ignorant  or  profligate  characters,  and  that 
such  were  more  apt  afterwards  to  call  their 
religion  in  question.  This  characteristic  de- 
scription seemed  to  fit  me  very  well,  except 
in  one  particular. 

I  was  not  conscious  of  having  experienced 
a  thorough  change  in  any  period  of  my  life. 
But  in  this  my  author  helped  me  out  by 
saying,  that  in  some  the  change  was  so  early, 
that  they  might  be  said,  with  Jeremiah  or 
John  the  Baptist,  to  be  sanctified  from  the 
birth.  I  concluded  therefore  that  this  must 
be  the  case  with  me. 

I  mention  this,  not  to  reproach  the  author, 
but  to  show  how  the  best  things  may  be 
abused  by  men  of  corrupt  minds ;  as  I  made 
no  better  use  of  some  parts  even  of  the  sa- 
cred Scriptures,  particularly  Romans  x.  9  and 


28     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

13,  I  thought  I  couhl  confess  ^'ith  my  mouth, 
and  believe  in  my  heart.  I  had  no  doubt  of 
it.  And  as  to  calling  on  the  name  of  the 
Lord,  it  was  my  daily  practice,  and  so  I 
claimed  the  promise. 

But  another  and  greater  difficulty  still  re- 
mained. Although  I  could  persuade  myself 
that  I  had  grace  in  the  cold  habit,  yet  certain 
I  was  that  I  had  it  not  in  lively  exercise. 
This,  however,  I  hoped  to  obtain  in  due  time. 

In  this  state,  what  is  called  the  preparation 
week  found  me.  Hoping  still  that  if  not 
before,  at  the  last  extremity  my  necessity 
would  so  powerfully  plead  for  me,  that  I 
should  then  obtain  the  so  much  wished  for  pro- 
mise, the  week  went  round  till  Satui'day,  with- 
out any  apparent  change  in  my  mind  for  the 
better.  I  thought  rather  that  I  got  more 
hard  and  stupid,  and  was  not  without  some 
fearful  apprehensions  that  all  was  not  well  at 
the  bottom. 

In  the  evenino^  Mr.  Harris  called  the  vouno: 
people  together  to  receive  their  tokens.  I 
took  one  with  little  expectation  of  using  it. 
Mr.  Harris,  as  he  handed  the  tokens  round, 
spoke  a  few  words  that  affected  me  more  than 


OFJOnNBARR.  29 

all  the  sermons  I  had  heard  for  half  a  year. 
The  words  were  these :  "I  give  you  these 
tokens,  not  kno\Ying  your  hearts.  May  the 
Lord  give  you  a  token  for  good  at  his  table 
to-morrow."  My  heart  said  Amen  to  the  last 
clause.  As  to  the  first,  I  thought  if  he  had 
known  my  heart,  I  should  have  had  no  token 
from  him  at  that  time. 

In  the  evening  I  retired  alone,  resolving  to 
spend  the  whole  night  in  prayer.  I  was  now 
come  to  what  I  supposed  the  last  extremity, 
when  it  might  be  expected  that  every  power 
of  body  and  mind  would  be  exerted  to  do  the 
utmost  that  could  be  efi'ected  by  human  effort. 
How  great  was  my  disappointment !  I  here 
learned  a  lesson  I  had  never  been  taught 
before.  I  always  thought  that  I  could  do 
something  for  myself  if  brought  to  the  pinch 
of  dire  necessity.  And  now  I  learned  the 
amount  of  what  I  could  do.  The  sum  total 
was — notJiing.  It  seemed  to  me  that  I  could 
scarcely  speak  three  words  of  common  sense, 
or  fix  my  attention  to  what  I  was  saying  for 
one  moment.  When  I  found  that  I  could  do 
nothing,  I  changed  my  resolution  of  sitting 


80     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

up  all  night,  and  about  midnight  went  to  rest. 
Next  morning  I  was  up  early,  and  in  retire- 
ment found  a  little  liberty  and  enlargement, 
from  which  I  took  some  encouragement.  I 
thought  it  was  a  good  omen.  If  I  am  not 
mistaken,  some  change  at  this  time  took  place 
in  my  views  and  exercises  from  what  I  had 
learned  the  evening  before.  Till  then,  I  had 
always  entertained  the  thought  that  I  could 
do  something  towards  my  own  salvation.  I 
knew  that  I  had  never  yet  exerted  myself  to 
the  utmost,  but  if  necessity  required  it,  every 
power  I  possessed  would  be  roused  to  activity 
and  exertion.  0  how  I  would  pray  !  how  "  I 
would  order  my  cause  before  him,  and  fill  my 
mouth  with  arguments !"  Or  if  I  should  fail 
here,  my  distress  would  plead  for  me  in  lan- 
guage louder  than  words.  But  I  had  learned 
that  this  was  all  mere  illusion,  and  that  I 
could  do  nothing  that  would,  in  the  smallest 
degree,  entitle  me  to  the  favour  or  friendship 
of  an  offended  Judge.  I  gave  up  therefore 
my  legal  hopes,  and  new  frames  and  feelings 
were  all  in  all.  This  change  amounted  then  to 
no  more  than  from  one  species  of  hypocrisy  to 


OFJOHNBARR.  31 

another.  If  I  could  only  get  my  heart  affect- 
ed with  divine  things,  my  object  was  gained. 
I  rested  there  satisfied.  This  I  found  I  couhl 
best  manage  alone ;  and  though  I  might  have 
had  good  company,  I  chose  to  ride  that 
morning  all  the  way  to  the  meeting  alone.  I 
was  in  hopes  of  being  well  prepared  when  I 
got  there,  by  taking  with  me  a  good  frame."^ 
I  called  up  every  consideration  I  could  think 
of  to  excite  tender  emotions  in  my  mind,  and 
gained  my  object.  I  believe  I  wept  almost 
the  whole  way. 

"When  I  got  there  and  began  to  mix  among 
the  crowd,  a  variety  of  objects  took  my  atten- 
tion, and  presently  I  found  my  frame  was 
gone.  This  distressed  me  so  much  that  I 
could  pay  but  little  attention  to  the  forenoon 
sermon.  The  time  was  coming  round  apace 
when  I  must  take  a  decided  part — either  stay 
back  or  go  forward.  I  know  of  no  words  that 
can  fully  express  the  distress  and  anxiety  of 
my  mind.     I  knew  not  what  to  do.     At  last 

*  The  word  frame  is  used  here,  as  is  common  with 
the  old  divines,  in  the  sense  of  a  suitable  state  of  the 
affections,  or  comfortable  exercises  of  mind. — Editor. 


82     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

I  thought  of  an  encouragement  that  had  been 
given  by  Mr.  Robert  Smith,  of  Pequea,  on  a 
similar  occasion.  Seeing  people  tardy  in 
coming  forward,  he  addressed  them  in  these 
words :  "  What  are  you  waiting  for  ?  You  are 
waiting  for  a  frame — come  to  Christ  for  one." 
This  seemed  precisely  to  suit  my  case ;  not 
knowing  or  considering,  that  to  come  to  Christ, 
and  to  come  to  his  table,  in  an  unprepared 
state,  were  two  very  different  things. 

However,  when  the  conflict  within  had 
lasted  as  long  as  time  would  admit,  I  went 
forward  trembling.  On  sitting  down,  I  met 
vnth  something  to  which  I  can  give  no  name, 
except  I  should  call  it  a  glow  of  animal  na- 
ture. It  appeared  like  a  pleasant  perfume 
diffusing  itself  through  my  whole  body.  For 
a  moment  I  lost  sight  of  every  object  around 
me.  I  seemed  as  if  I  was  on  mount  Tabor, 
or  in  "a  field  that  the  Lord  hath  blest."  In 
short,  I  thought  it  was  Christ's  table  of  a 
truth,  and  he  was  come  to  welcome  me  there. 
While  I  was  in  this  pleasing  dream,  one  of 
the  elders  came  along  lifting  the  tokens.  I 
had  been  so  careful  of  mine  as  to  put  it  into 


OFJOHNBARR.  33 

a  little  pocket  book  that  had  a  division  in  it ; 
and  that  I  might  have  no  difficulty  in  finding 
it,  had  taken  the  precaution  to  mark  in  my 
memory  the  place  I  had  put  it.  On  feeling 
for  my  token  I  could  not  find  it ;  and  being 
very  certain  that  I  could  not  have  lost  it,  I 
knew  of  no  way  it  could  have  gotten  out,  ex- 
cept it  had  been  removed  by  an  invisible 
hand;  and  if  so,  it  was  proof  presumptive 
that  I  was  not  worthy  of  it,  I  found  it  at 
last  in  the  other  side ;  the  bottom  of  the  divi- 
sion leaf  was  open,  which  I  had  not  perceived, 
and  the  token  had  slipped  through. 

So  small  a  matter  as  this  was  quite  suffi- 
cient to  disconcert  and  throw  my  mind  into 
confusion,  so  that  all  my  skill  was  not  suffi- 
cient to  reduce  it  again  to  order  through  the 
exercises  of  the  whole  day. 

After  returning  home,  I  took  a  longer  even- 
ing walk  than  usual,  reflecting  on  my  situa- 
tion, and  at  last  came  to  this  conclusion — that 
all  was  wrong  with  me ;  that  I  was  nothing 
more  than  a  splendid  hypocrite,  blinded  by 
self-flattery.  And  to  this  was  attached  the 
cutting  thought  and  reflection,  that  to  all  my 


34     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

Other  sins,  I  had  added  that  day,  the  sin  of 
communicating  unworthily.  I  felt  shame  and 
remorse  to  a  degree  I  had  never  before  expe- 
rienced. I  sometimes  thought  my  head  and 
heart  would  have  broken  while  I  tried  to  sup- 
press my  inward  anguish,  till  at  length  I  was 
made  bitterly  to  cry  out.  I  retm-ned  home 
late  at  night  more  calm,  being  rather  ex- 
hausted than  relieved.  Thus  I  continued  in  a 
sad  and  disconsolate  state  for  two  weeks. 


OFJOHNBAKR.  35 


CHAPTER    III. 


A  remarkable  Sabbath. 


On  the  second  Sabbath  after  the  commu- 
nion, Mr.  Harris  had  an  appointment  in  a 
neighbouring  congregation.  In  the  morning 
I  was  more  than  ordinarily  disturbed  in  mind. 
I  could  get  no  rest.  After  breakfast  I  took 
Willison's  Sacramental  Catechism  in  my  hand, 
and  went  out.  I  knew  that  there  were  many 
cases  of  conscience  in  it,  and  did  not  know 
but  I  might  meet  with  something  applicable 
to  my  case.  I  sat  down  to  read,  but  found 
I  could  not  keep  my  eye  upon  the  book,  and 
far  less  fix  my  attention  to  anything  in  it.  I 
closed  the  book  and  laid  it  down  beside  me, 
while  in  a  kind  of  melancholy  musing  these 
words  frequently  arrested  my  attention : 
*'What  will  you  do  in  the  day  of  your  visita- 
tion ?  To  whom  will  you  flee  for  help  ?  Where 
will  you  leave  your  glory?"  Ah,  to  flee  !  I 
could  not  tell  where  to  flee  !     I  once  thought 


"86     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

of  going  to  a  pious  neighbour  for  advice,  but 
I  thought  again,  "  vain  is  the  help  of  man" — 
thej  would  be  all  "physicians  of  no  value." 
I  might  go  to  men,  I  might  go  to  books ;  they 
would  all  give  me  the  same,  or  a  similar  an- 
swer to  that  of  Joseph  to  Pharaoh,  "It  is  not 
in  me.  God  shall  give  Pharaoh  an  answer  of 
peace."  I  must  go  to  God,  with  whom  alone 
I  have  to  do. 

Here  my  situation  became  more  serious. 
My  former  refuges  all  failed  me,  and  proved 
to  be  no  better  than  refuges  of  lies.  I  saw 
that  my  best  duties  were  of  no  more  account 
to  secure  the  favour  and  friendship  of  God 
than  my  sins ;  and  that  the  united  efforts  of 
all  the  men  upon  earth,  and  angels  in  heaven, 
could  do  me  but  little  service. 

Thus  despairing  of  relief  from  any  other 
quarter,  I  had  no  alternative,  but  must  go  to 
that  God  whose  law  condemned  me,  and 
whose  justice  demanded  nothing  less  than  my 
eternal  punishment.  My  imagination  pre- 
sented to  my  mind  the  following  picture : 
that  I  was  as  if  under  a  great  mountain 
which  hung  over  me.     I  saw  the  justice  of 


OFJOHNBARE.  37 

God,  like  huge  massj  rocks,  hanging  loose 
over  my  head,  suspended  upon  nothing  that  I 
could  see,  sufficient  to  prevent  their  fall — 
when  at  the  same  time  I  knew  that  I  deserved 
to  be  crushed  to  pieces,  and  that  one  small 
stone  would  be  fully  sufficient  for  that  pur- 
pose, whilst  I  was  unable  to  move  one  step 
for  my  own  safety.  I  recollect  once  with  an 
audible  vehemence  to  have  expressed,  from 
the  very  bottom  of  my  heart,  these  words : 
"Lord,  what  wilt  thou  have  me  to  do?"  I 
wondered  that  I  was  alive,  and  believe  that 
this  thought  alone,  that  I  was  alive,  for  some 
time  supported  me.  I  reasoned  like  Manoah's 
wife,  "  that  if  God  were  pleased  to  kill  me, 
he  would  not  have  borne  with  me  so  long ; 
nor  would  he  have  suffered  me  to  profane  his 
holy  ordinance,  the  recollection  of  which  lay 
heavy  on  my  mind."  He  might  yet  have 
thoughts  of  mercy  towards  me,  but  how  it 
could  be  exercised  consistent  with  his  justice, 
I  was  totally  at  a  loss  to  comprehend.  I 
thought  if  I  were  sent  to  hell,  I  could  justify 
God  in  my  condemnation,  and  for  ever  say, 
"  righteousness  belongeth  unto  thee ;  but  unto 
4 


38     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

me  shame  and  confusion  of  face."  And  fur- 
ther, I  thought  that  if  it  was  possible  for  a 
sinner  in  hell  to  love  God,  I  would  love  him. 

The  awful  views  I  at  first  had  of  wrath  and 
danger,  gradually  gave  way  to  views  of  some- 
thing amiable  in  the  di\'ine  character,  and  a 
kind  of  trust,  though  I  know  of  no  founda- 
tion on  which  it  rested,  except  it  was  on  the 
mere  mercy  of  God.  I  frequently  thought  of 
the  resolution  of  Job — "  Though  he  slay  me, 
yet  will  I  trust  in  him," — and  tried  to  make  it 
my  own.  I  do  not  know  that  I  was  ever  will- 
ing to  go  to  hell.  If  I  was,  it  was  with  the 
mistaken  view  that  I  could  love,  honour  and 
promote  the  glory  of  God  there.  But  this  I 
remember  well,  that  my  sinfulness  and  insig- 
nificance made  the  mere  matter  of  sufi"ering 
appear  to  be  comparatively  a  little  thing,  if 
the  glory  of  God  could  by  it  be  any  way  pro- 
moted. I  knew  that  God  could  glorify  his 
justice  in  my  eternal  condemnation  ;  but  0, 1 
thought,  if  there  were  any  way  that  I  could 
be  saved,  his  mercy  would  shine  gloriously  in 
my  salvation. 

There  is  one  thing  that  I  have  since  won- 


OFJOHXBARR.  39 

dered  at,  perhaps  a  thousand  tunes,  that  in 
all  this  time,  which  I  suppose  was  about  three 
hours,  I  do  not  recollect  to  have  had  one 
thought  about  Jesus  Christ  as  a  Mediator  be- 
tween God  and  man,  but  seemed  still  to  have 
to  deal  with  God  as  an  absolute  God.  Though 
I  had  been  doctrinallj  taught,  and  knew  well 
the  theory  of  the  way  of  salvation,  yet  the 
practical  view  of  it,  so  as  to  apply  it  to  my 
own  case,  never  entered  my  mind  till  I  was 
driven  on  almost  to  despaii\ 

While  under  great  depression  of  spirits, 
looking  every  way  for  relief,  or  like  a  dro'v^Ti' 
ing  man,  catching  at  every  stick  or  straw, 
these  words  came  into,  or  rather  seemed  to 
dart  across  my  mind :  "  Jesus  Christ,  the  same 
yesterday,  to-day,  and  for  ever,"  and  gave  a 
new  spring  to  every  power  of  my  exhausted 
mind.  I  presently  recollected,  what  I  believe 
I  had  somewhere  read  before,  that  Jesus 
Christ,  while  on  earth,  never  put  any  away 
that  came  to  him  begging  for  mercy ;  and  that 
in  his  glorified  state  he  retained  the  same 
bowels  of  compassion  and  tender  mercy.  I 
thought  of  the  lepers  at  the  gate  of  Samaria, 


40     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

•who  said,  "  Why  sit  we  here  until  we  die  ?" 
"Let  us  fall  unto  the  host  of  the  Syrians, 
and  if  they  save  us  alive,  we  shall  live ;  and 
if  they  kill  us  we  shall  but  die."  I  thought 
of  Esther's  resolution  to  go  in  unto  the  king, 
though  contrary  to  the  law,  and  at  the  hazard 
of  her  life,  and  how  well  both  succeeded. 

I  formed  the  resolution  of  casting  my 
guilty  soul  at  the  feet  of  Christ,  and  if  I  per- 
ished, I  would  perish  at  his  feet.  This  reso- 
lution was  no  sooner  formed  than  I  endea^ 
voured  to  put  it  in  practice.  I  saw  a  suita- 
bleness in  the  Saviour,  to  me  before  unknown, 
to  answer  all  my  soul's  necessities.  I  saw  in 
him  everything  I  wanted,  and  in  him  I  found 
rest  for  my  weary  soul  with  peace  and  joy  in 
believing. 

And  though  it  is  now  more  than  forty  years, 
I  think  I  could  go  to  the  tree,  if  yet  standing, 
(then  only  a  sapling)  at  which  I  stood,  and 
like  a  penitent  confessed  my  sins,  and  saw  the 
"fountain  open  for  sin  and  uncleanness," 
freely  flowing  to  remove  my  guilt,  and  wash 
away  my  pollution. 

It  was  now  about  noon.     My  darkness  was 


OFJOHNBARR.  41 

turned  to  day.  Never  was  tliere  more  differ- 
ence between  midnight  darkness  and  noon-day, 
than  was  between  that  morning  and  afternoon. 
I  thought  I  knew  before  what  believing  was, 
but  now  I  knew  "  in  whom  I  believed,  and 
was  persuaded  that  he  was  able  to  keep  that 
which  I  had  committed  to  him  against  that 
day."  Although  my  joy  was  far  from  that 
height  of  rapture  and  ecstacy  that  I  have  in 
many  instances  since  witnessed,  yet  it  was 
more  permanent,  and  continued  uninterrupted 
for  weeks,  perhaps  I  might  say  for  months,  so 
that  it  would  have  been  as  difficult  for  me  to 
have  doubted  as  it  was  before  to  believe.  It 
seemed  as  if  I  had  gotten  into  a  new  world, 
and  had  new  views  and  apprehensions  of  my- 
self, and  almost  every  thing  around  me — of 
God,  of  the  world,  of  sin,  of  holiness,  of 
time,  of  eternity,  of  the  Saviour  of  sinners, 
and  of  the  institutions  of  his  grace.  My 
feelings  took  my  attention  less  than  the 
objects  that  occasioned  them. 

It  was  not  then,  as  it  has  been  since,  cus- 
tomary for  young  people  to  converse  famili- 
arly on  their  religious  experience.     I  there- 
4* 


42    EARLY    RELIGIOrS    HISTORY 

fore  kept  all  my  feelings  to  myself,  except 
•what  might  be  visible  in  my  countenance,  in 
which  before  might  have  been  read  the  marks 
of  dejection  or  despair,  but  which  was  now, 
with  Hannah's,  "  no  more  sad."  I  then  felt 
the  force  and  propriety  of  one  of  Solomon's 
proverbs,  "  The  heart  knoweth  his  own  bitter- 
ness, and  a  stranger  doth  not  intermeddle  with 
his  joys." 


OFJOHNBARR.  43 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Various  Cemptations — Sabbath  Exercises. 

It  ^yas  not  long,  however,  till  the  arch 
adversary  made  for  once  an  unsuccessful 
attack  upon  mj  peace.  The  suggestion  was 
plausible,  "Now  you  are  a  believer,  and  once 
in  Christ,  still  in  Christ.  You  are  n'  av  out 
of  danger;  there  is  now  no  occasion  for  so 
much  painfulness  in  duties.  Less  praying 
and  time  spent  in  meditation,  will  now  an- 
swer your  purpose.  Besides,  you  are  now 
in  the  vigour  of  youth,  and  prime  of  life ;  you 
may  lawfully  indulge  in  the  innocent  pleasures 
of  your  age.  Religion  was  never  intended  to 
lessen,  but  rather  to  increase  the  pleasures 
of  mankind.  Your  seriousness  would  much 
better  befit  the  age  of  sixty,  except  you 
mean  to  devote  yourself  to  the  life  of  a 
hermit,  or  to  spend  the  remainder  of  your 
days  in  a  cloister." 


44     EAELT    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

How  mucli  truth  soever  there  might  have 
been  in  these  suggestions,  yet  from  this 
single  specimen  I  have  drawn  a  proof  suffi- 
cient to  satisfy  me  that  Satan  does  not 
always  know  the  inward  exercises  of  our 
minds,  or  he  would  time  his  temptations  in 
some  instances  better.  "When  these  sugges- 
tions were  presented  to  my  mind,  I  had 
learned  to  know  something  about  being  dead 
to  the  world  by  the  cross  of  Christ,  and  sen- 
sual baits  had  no  more  influence  upon  me 
than  the  passing  wind.  And  as  to  restrain- 
ing prayer,  and  taking  less  time  for  medita- 
tion, it  might  just  as  well  have  been  sug- 
gested to  me  when  hungry,  that  I  need  not 
be  at  the  trouble  of  eating ;  or  when  thirsty, 
that  it  was  too  mirch  trouble  to  take  the 
cooling  draught.  For  in  short,  my  meat  and 
my  drink  seemed  to  be  to  do  the  will  of  my 
Heavenly  Father. 

But  alas  !  my  corruptions,  that  I  thought 
were  all  dead,  revived  again,  and  I  found  evil 
enough  within  me,  without  any  other  tempter, 
to  prompt  me  on  to  the  commission  of  sin  and 
neo-lect  of  duty.    I  soon  found  that  when  left 


0  F    J  0  H  X    B  A  R  R  .  45 

to  myself,  I  was  a  poor,  weak,  wicked,  and 
helpless  creature ;  but  it  was  long  before  I 
could  learn  to  trust  in  that  grace  which  was 
alone  sufficient  for  me,  and  that  strength  by 
which  alone  I  was  able  to  stand.  ^ly  unbe- 
lief and  misgiving  fears  prevailed  against  my 
weak  faith,  and  not  unfrequently  the  founda- 
tion of  my  hope  was  called  in  question.  And 
I  believe  I  should  sometimes  have  fainted, 
had  it  not  been  for  the  goodness  of  the  Lord 
in  giving  me  some  reviving  cordials,  that 
cheered  my  drooping  spirits. 

When  we  had  no  sermon,  I  usually  spent 
my  Sabbaths  alone  in  some  retired  place. 
This  I  found  to  be  attended  with  its  advan- 
tages, according  to  the  state  of  my  mind. 
When  my  mind  had  gotten  a  right  bent  or 
direction,  its  exercises  were  more  free  and 
uninterrupted;  but  this  was  not  always  the 
case. 

However  easily  I  could  get  rid  of  company, 
I  could  not  always  get  rid  of  myself;  vain 
thoughts  still  lodged  within  me,  and  would  be 
breaking  out  on  every  occasion.  I  seemed 
like  the  young  Median  that  thought  he  had 


46      EARLY    EELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

two  soiils,  one  disposed  to  good,  tlie  other  in- 
clined to  evil,  and  each  seemed  to  aim  at 
nothing  less  than  the  destruction  of  the  other. 
The  contest  between  these  two  contendinor 
powers,  made  my  heart  literally  the  seat  of 
war,  and  Israel  and  Amalek  prevailed  by 
turns ;  so  that  some  Sabbaths  were  far  from 
being  days  of  rest,  and  might  more  properly 
be  called  days  of  conflict. 

One  morning,  on  going  out,  I  was  grieved 
to  think  how  I  had  spent  some  preceding 
Sabbaths ;  and  knowing  that  I  carried  with 
me  the  same  deceitful,  treacherous  heart,  I 
could  have  no  security  that  that  day  would  be 
spent  any  better.  0,  how  happy  I  thought  I 
should  be  to  spend  but  one  day  in  communion 
and  fellowship  with  God,  without  interruption 
from  vain,  wandering,  and  wicked  thoughts ; 
and  I  knew  of  nothing  to  hinder  but  the 
wickedness  of  my  own  heart,  that  was  ever 
like  the  sons  of  Zeruiah  with  David,  "too 
hard  for  me." 

Whilst  musing  as  I  walked  along,  on  the 
ungovernable  madness  of  my  heart,  these 
words   came  with  impressive   force   into  my 


OFJOHNBARK.  47 

mind :  "  Son,  give  mo  thine  heart."  My 
heart  promptly  replied  with  the  aid  of  my 
voice,  "  Lord,  take  my  heart  to  thee  ;  let  it  be 
thine  this  day,  and  thine  for  ever — the  day  is 
thine,  may  the  work  be  thine — let  no  vain 
thought  intrude  upon  these  sacred  hours."  I 
presently  felt  a  calm  and  composure  of  mind 
to  me  unknown  for  some  time  before. 

I  had  Flavel's  sixth  volume,  which  treats 
on  Husbandry  and  Navigation  Spiritualized ; 
and  after  committing  myself  to  God  for  the 
day,  I  sat  down  to  read.  The  place  I  opened 
upon,  was  on  the  union  of  the  graft  with  the 
stock.  I  read  with  pleasure,  and  I  think  with 
profit.     No  vain  thoughts  troubled  me. 

A  short  poem  on  this  subject  I  read  several 
times  over,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  could 
have  read  it  a  hundred  times,  and  still  have 
seen  in  it  something  new.  I  soon  committed 
it  to  memory,  after  which  my  book  was  of 
little  further  service  to  me.  The  verse  that 
most  attracted  my  attention  was  this, 

"  As  long  as  e'er  the  root  doth  live, 
The  branches  are  not  dry ; 
"While  Christ  hath  grace  and  life  to  give, 
My  soul  can  never  die.'' 


48     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

Mj  thoughts  and  affections  rose  like  the 
•waters  in  Ezekiel's  vision,  till  I  lost  sight  of 
this  earth ;  and  for  some  time  I  thought  no 
more  about  it,  or  any  thing  it  contained,  than 
if  I  had  not  been  an  inhabitant  of  it.  I  recol- 
lect once  of  giving  a  transient  glance  to  this 
world,  which  appeared  like  a  dusky  shade,  or 
no  better  than  dust  and  ashes,  when  compared 
with  the  upper  world. 

Happening  to  fix  my  eyes  upon  the  body 
of  the  sun,  I  was  surprised  at  the  speed  it  had 
made.  It  was  near  two  o'clock,  our  usual 
time  for  dinner,  when  I  would  not  have 
thought  that  I  had  been  there  more  than  half 
an  hour.  A  small  conflict  arose  in  my  mind 
about  going  home.  I  was  loath  to  leave  my 
sweet  retreat,  and  felt  no  disposition  for 
eating ;  but  fearing  that  my  absence  would 
occasion  some  anxiety  in  the  family,  I  thought 
that  perhaps  it  was  my  duty  upon  their  ac- 
count to  go,  though  for  myself  I  had  much 
rather  have  staid  where  I  was.  I  set  off  for 
home,  but  hesitated  and  halted  several  times. 
The  words  of  the  Psalmist  (Ps.  xciv.)  I  thought 
I  could  use  with  self-application,  "  In  the  multi- 


OFJOHNBARR.  49 

tude  of  mj  thoughts  withm  me,  his  comforts 
delight  my  soul."  0  how  glad  I  would  have 
been  to  have  had  some  secret  place  where  I 
would  have  met  with  no  interruption  all  the 
day.  But  the  thoughts  of  giving  uneasiness 
to  the  family  finally  prevailed,  and  I  went 
home ;  hut  it  was  no  home  to  me.  I  recollect 
nothing  of  what  passed  there,  and  it  seemed 
as  if  my  heart  did  not  go  with  me. 

I  soon  returned,  but  with  this  disadvantage, 
that  it  did  not  appear  to  me  to  be  the  same 
place.  It  was  neither  a  Bethel  nor  a  Peniel — 
nothing  but  common  woods.  I  tried  to  re- 
alize the  beauties  I  had  seen  in  my  poem  ;  but 
they  were  all  gone.  I  could  see  no  more  in 
it  than  in  the  rest  of  the  book,  and  it  all 
appeared  to  be  little  more  than  a  blank.  Thus 
situated,  the  afternoon  appeared  as  much 
longer  than  usual,  as  the  forenoon  was 
shorter ;  the  greater  part  of  which,  I  believe, 
I  was  on  my  knees.  It  was  in  the  season  of 
feeding  cattle,  and  though  I  did  not  then 
attend  to  that  business  on  week  days,  I  usually 
assisted  on  the  Sabbath.  Observing  that  the 
sun  was  sinking  down,  and  that  it  would  soon 
5 


50      EAELY    RELiaiOUS    HISTORY 

be  time  for  that  business  to  commence,  I 
knew  not  how  I  could  leave  the  place  without 
some  token  of  the  Divine  presence  with  me. 

I  resolved  to  try  what  supplicating  the 
throne  of  grace  once  more  would  do.  The 
result  was,  I  thought  no  more  of  feeding 
cattle  till  it  was  dark.  This  I  consider  as 
one  of  my  high  days.  And  such  indeed  it 
might  have  been  to  me,  if  I  had  known  how 
to  improve  it.  I  know  that  these  were  signal 
manifestations  and  communications  of  divine 
grace  ;  and  I  know  also  that  ''  where  much  is 
given,  much  will  be  required,"  and  that  I  have 
been  far  from  rendering  according  to  the 
benefit  received.  "When  I  reflect  upon  my 
poor  unprofitable  life,  shame  and  confusion 
of  face  may  cover  me.  It  is  said  of  Solo- 
mon, that  "  the  Lord  was  angry  with  him 
because  his  heart  was  turned  from  the  Lord 
God  of  Israel,  which  had  appeared  to  him 
twice." 

I  am  well  aware  that  these  and  such  like 
exercises  will,  by  the  gay  world,  be  accounted 
enthusiastic  and  delusive.  To  this  I  at  pre- 
sent feel  no  disposition  to  make  any  other 


OFJOHNBARR.  51 

reply,  than  that  "  I  could  wish  to  be  always 
thus  enthusiastic,"  while  at  the  same  time  I 
am  prepared  not  to  wonder  at  the  world's 
mistaken  notion,  when  I  recollect  that  he  who 
was  the  subject  of  these  exercises,  and  who, 
more  than  all  others,  might  be  supposed  to 
have  a  fair  opportunity  of  knowing  their 
truth  and  reality,  once  formed  an  opinion  of 
them  not  much  more  to  their  advantage ;  and 
even  more  than  once  doubted  the  genuineness 
of  their  source.  If  it  should  be  asked  how 
this  was  brought  about,  I  answer,  by  what  is 
but  too  common  to  all,  more  especially  to 
young  Christians — I  mean  paying  too  great  a 
compliment  to  religious  feelings  ;  "forsaking 
the  fountain  of  living  waters,"  and  following 
the  dying  stream  till  it  dries  up,  like  the 
sportive  fish  that  can  glide  and  play  down  the 
current  while  it  has  a  sufiicient  depth  of 
•water,  but  when  that  fails,  is  found  gasping 
and  dying,  and  can  never  return  without  a 
fresh  supply. 

However  useful  and  ornamental  such  exer- 
cises may  be  in  the  superstructure,  they  are 
by  no  means  fit  materials  for  the  foundation. 


52     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

"  For  Other  foundation  can  no  man  lay  than 
that  is  laid,  which  is  Jesus  Christ."  "We 
have  a  more  sui-e  word  of  prophesy  unto 
which  we  do  well  to  take  heed." 

"  Faith  has  for  its  foundation  broad, 
A  stable  rock  on  which  I  stand ; 
The  truth  and  faithfulness  of  God — 
All  other  grounds  are  sinking  sand. 

"  The  oath  and  promise  of  the  Lord, 

Join  to  confirm  the  wondrous  grace, 
Eternal  power  performs  the  word, 

And  fills  all  heaven  with  endless  praise/' 

Upon  the  whole,  when  I  take  a  retrospec- 
tive view  of  my  past  life,  I  can  say  nothing 
less  than  this,  "  goodness  and  mercy  have  fol- 
lowed me."  I  know  I  have  not  been  exempt 
from  trials ;  and  I  know  also  that  God  is 
faithful,  who  has  not  suffered  me  to  be  tried 
above  what  he  gave  me  strength  to  bear,  and 
has  also  with  the  trial  made  a  way  of  escape. 

One  thing  on  this  subject  may  appear  a 
paradox  to  many ;  that  is,  that  the  days  of 
my  greatest  trials  I  reckon  among  the  most 
comfortable  days  that  I  have  spent  upon 
earth.      So  that  upon  the  whole  I  can  say, 


OFJOHNBARR.  53 

that  "I  have  never  been  a  great  sufferer, 
though  always  a  great  sinner."  I  speak  not 
now  of  gross  out-breakings,  but  an  inward 
alienation  of  heart  from  God.  My  back- 
slidings  have  been  many.  I  have  much  to 
lament,  but  desire  to  be  an  eternal  debtor  to 
that  grace  that  has  so  often  restored  my  wan- 
dering soul.  Thus,  "  having  obtained  help  of 
God,  I  continue  to  this  day,"  hoping  and 
trusting  that  the  blood  of  Christ  that  cleans- 
eth  from  all  sin,  will  still  continue  to  cleanse, 
and  at  last  present  me  without  spot,  before 
his  Father'5  throne,  w^here  I  shall  see  his  face 
and  sing  his  praise,  world  without  end.  Amen. 


54     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 


CHAPTER    Y. 

Remarks  on  Salvation  by  Grace — on  reading  the  Scriptures 
in  Family  Worship. 

Having  finished  what  I  intended  by  way 
of  narrative,  I  shall  now  make  some  observa- 
tions in  subservience  to  my  main  design; 
which  was  to  give  my  feeble  testimony  to  the 
truth  of  the  doctrine  of  salvation  by  grace, 
and  the  operations  of  the  Holy  Spirit  in  the 
conviction  and  renovation  of  the  human  heart. 
If  a  general  view  of  what  I  have  written 
gives  no  evidence  of  the  truth  of  these  doc- 
trines, I  should  almost  despair  of  success  in 
making  any  comment  upon  it.  I  shall  how- 
ever notice  a  few  particulars,  which,  unless 
we  admit  a  divine  agency  in  changing  the 
heart,  and  the  invincibleness  of  divine  grace, 
are  to  me  altogether  inexplicable. 

If  it  should  be  asked  why  I  have  selected 
the  doctrines  of  salvation  by  grace,  and  the 
operations  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  out  of  several 


OFJOHNBARR.  55 

Others,  so   nearly  related   to   tliem,   such  as 
our  lost  state  by  nature ;  the  imputation  of 
Christ's   righteousness,    &c.,  they   being   all 
doctrines  of  the  Reformation,  I  answer,  be- 
cause I  believe  them  all  to  be  doctrines  of  the 
Scriptures  as  well  as  of  the  Reformation,  and 
so  nearly  related,  that  they  cannot  be  easily 
separated.  But  in  placing  these  two  doctrines 
together,  I  would  not  wish  to  be  understood 
to  think  them  of  equal  importance ;  or  rather, 
that  the  rejection  or  denial  of  them  would  be 
attended  with  equal  danger.      Although  they 
are  nearly  connected,  and  seem  both  to  lie  at 
the  very  foundation  of  my  hope,  yet  I  can 
more  easily  conceive  of  the  possibility  of  sal- 
vation, in  the  denial  of  the  fulness  and  sove- 
reignty of  grace,  (though  I  confess  I  do  not 
understand  it)  than  in  the  denial  of  the  opera- 
tions  of  the  Spirit,    which  is  a   prominent 
characteristic  trait  of  an  infidel. 

As  to  the  former,  a  quotation  from  Dr. 
Witherspoon,  in  his  Essay  on  Justification, 
(vol.  i.  p.  80,)  will  express  my  thoughts  fully, 
and  with  it  I  will  dismiss  the  subject. 
"  If  the  righteousness  of  Christ  is  the  only 


56     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

ground  of  our  justification,  I  do  not  see  how 
T\e  can  avoid  concluding  the  danger  of  those 
■who  are  upon  any  other  plan.  And  yet  I  am 
persuaded  there  have  been  and  are  many 
good  men  among  them,  which  may  be  ac- 
counted for  in  this  manner,  that  their  hearts* 
are  better  than  their  understandings,  and 
they  are  habitually  under  the  government  of 
principles  which,  through  some  mistaken 
views  and  groundless  fears  of  their  abuse,  they 
speak  of  more  sparingly,  or  rather  seem  to 
establish  the  contrary  positions.  The  proof 
of  this  I  take  from  their  writings,  particularly 
from  the  difi'erence  between  their  sermons 
and  other  discourses,  and  their  forms  of 
prayer  which  they  have  drawn  up,  and  not 
only  recommended  to  others,  but  left  behind 
them  as  a  witness  of  their  own  exercises  in 
their  closets.  If  they  be  supposed  to  feel  the 
sentiments  which  they  express  in  their  prayers, 
it  can  easily  be  made  appear  that  these  sen- 
timents can  only  be  dictated  by  the  doctrine 
of  free  grace.  If  what  they  say  of  them- 
selves be  true  in  its  natural  and  obvious 
meaning,  and  if  they  believe  it,  which  charity 


OFJOHNBARR.  57 

obliges  us  to  suppose,  it  must  be  altogether 
in  vain  to  lay  the  least  stress  upon  their  own 
righteousness  for  their  acceptance  with  God." 

I  shall  now  conclude  with  a  few  remarks 
on  reading  the  Scriptures  in  family  worship. 

Soon  after  I  was  entrusted  with  the  charge 
of  a  family,  it  was  recommended  to  me,  by 
one  whose  judgment  I  had  reason  to  respect, 
as  the  most  expedient  method  of  reading  the 
Scriptures  in  family  worship,  to  read  them  in 
order:  that  is  to  say,  a  portion  out  of  the 
New  Testament  in  the  morning,  and  out  of 
the  Old  at  night. 

This  arrangement  was  thought  best  on  ac- 
count that  the  Old  Testament  contained  a 
greater  number  and  variety  of  historical  facts, 
which  would  be  most  likely  to  engage  the 
attention  of  children,  and  prevent  drowsiness, 
which  might  otherwise  be  too  ready  to  steal 
in  after  the  active  duties  and  fatigues  of  the 
day.  The  only  objection  I  had  against  this 
proposal  was,  that  the  Old  Testament  would 
take  the  same  proportion  of  time  and  atten- 
tion with  the  New,  when  I  thought  the  latter 
ought,  on  some  accounts,  to  have  greatly  the 


58     EARLY    RELIGIOUS    HISTORY 

preference.  This  objection,  hoAvever,  was  in 
a  great  measui'e  removed,  when  I  found,  by 
actual  experiment,  that  when  not  much  in- 
terrupted by  sickness,  absence,  or  otherwise, 
and  by  sometimes  reading  two  chapters  to- 
gether, when  connected,  and  not  too  long,  I 
could  read  the  whole  of  the  New  Testament 
in  less  than  eight  months ;  when  the  Old  Tes- 
tament, under  like  circumstances,  required 
little  less  than  two  years.  The  proportion  of 
time  then  was  about  three  to  one ;  that  is, 
observing  this  order,  I  could  read  the  New 
Testament  three  times  for  once  that  I  could 
read  the  Old. 

I  cannot  help  being  surprised  and  ashamed 
too,  to  think  how  often  I  must  have  read  the 
Scriptures,  and  how  very  small  my  knowledge 
of  them  continues  to  be.  I  suppose,  upon  a 
very  moderate  calculation,  which  I  must  cer- 
tainly have  exceeded,  I  have  read  the  New 
Testament  once  every  year,  and  the  Old 
Testament  once  every  three  years,  for  thirty- 
nine  years  past,  which  is  as  much  as  to  say, 
that  I  have  read  the  New  Testament  thirty- 
nine  times,  and  the  Old  Testament  thirteen 
times  over. 


OFJOHNBARR.  59 

By  an  attentive  reader,  it  might  be  ex- 
pected by  this  time,  that  the  New  Testament 
at  least  would  have  been  all  committed  to 
memory.  This  is  so  far  from  being  the  case, 
that  I  believe  I  scarcely  ever  read  either  of 
them  over  without  finding  something  that  I 
never  knew  or  noticed  before.  And  I  am 
rather  inclined  to  think  that  this  would  be 
the  case,  were  I  to  live  and  read  on  to  the 
age  of  Methuselah.  There  is  no  book  which 
will  stand  reading,  without  weariness,  like  the 
Bible.  I  suppose  I  should  long  since  have 
been  tired  of  reading  so  much  in  any  other 
book.  But  instead  of  this,  I  find  my  taste 
and  relish  for  the  Scriptures  greatly  increased, 
since  I  first  began  to  read  them.  So  that  I 
can  join  my  hearty  assent  to  the  following 
verse,  with  which  I  will  come  to  a  close : 

"  Thy  T^ord  is  everlasting  truth, 
How  pure  is  every  page  1 
That  holy  book  shall  guide  our  youth, 
And  well  support  our  age.'' 


SKETCH  OF  HIS  CHARACTER, 


BY    A    GRANDSON 


(ei) 


SKETCH 


OF  THE 


CHAEACTER  OF  JOH^^  BARR. 


Among  the  early  inhabitants  of  Pennsyl- 
vania, emigrants  immediately  from  Ireland, 
but  of  Scottish  descent,  the  annals  of  kindred 
have  preserved  the  memory  of  a  somewhat 
numerous  connection  of  families  by  the  name 
of  Barr.  They  established  themselves  in 
the  western  part  of  Chester  county,  and  re- 
gions adjacent  there,  still  covered  with  their 
native  and  interminable  forests. 

William  Barr^  a  descendant  of  one  of 
these  Pilgrim  Fathers  of  the  same  name,  re- 
moved with  his  family  to  York  county,  from 
which  place  he  at  length,  in  the  fall  of  1765, 
emigrated  to  North  Carolina  and  settled  in 

(63) 


64  SKETCH   OF  THE 

what  is  now  Eowan  county,  about  fifteen 
miles  west  of  the  town  of  Salisbury.  In 
October  following  he  died,  at  the  age  of 
fifty-seven,  leaving  a  family  of  five  sons  and 
four  daughters. 

John  Bare,  the  youngest  of  the  five  sons, 
was  born  in  1749,  and  was  fifteen  years  of  age 
when,  from  Pennsylvania,  his  father  and 
family  emigrated  to  the  Carolinas.  On  the 
same  tract,  upon  which  the  paternal  settle- 
ment was  made,  he  passed  nearly  seventy 
years  of  life  that  still  remained;  a  man,  in 
the  world's  acceptance  of  the  terms, 

"  To  fortune  and  to  fame  unknown  ;'' 

and  whose  resting  place  is  marked  by  a  plain 
head-stone,  bearing  in  import  only  this  in- 
scription, "  That  having  lived  four  score 
years  and  two,  he  died." 

His  voice  was  soft  and  persuasive,  his 
countenance  benevolent,  with  an  eye  intelli- 
gent, and  expressive  of  permanent  placidity 
of  mind.  He  was  pleasing  and  instructive 
in  conversation,  yet  he  spoke  but  little,  and 
in  the  latter  years  of  his  life,  his  hearing  hav- 


CHARACTER   OF  JOHN  BARR.  65 

ing  become  mucli  impaired,  he  was,  in  good 
degree,  a  silent  member  of  the  social  or 
family  circle. 

Feeling  himself  excluded  from  the  usual 
facilities  of  pleasurable  intercourse  among 
friends,  he  cheerfully  retired  witliin,  to  the 
conscious  resources  of  his  own  mind;  and, 
amid  the  accumulated  treasures  of  a  long 
life,  found  there  an  unfading  and  pure  de- 
light. 

In  the  language  of  an  eminently  holy  man, 
of  like  age  and  kindred  spirit,  when  asked 
how,  in  the  monotony  of  a  country  residence, 
he  could  find  enjoyment  for  his  declining 
years,  the  subject  of  this  brief  tribute  of  re- 
gard could  answer,  "I  have  a  long  life  to 
review,  and  an  unending  eternity  to  expect ; 
the  errors  of  the  one  for  repentance,  the  joys 
of  the  other  to  anticipate ;"  for  he  was  one 
who  in  early  years  had  sought  a  title  to  "  a 
better  country,  even  an  heavenly,"  and  whose 
simplicity  of  life  and  godly  sincerity  gave 
surest  promise  that  he  should  inherit  those 
beatific  scenes  for  which  he  hoped. 

In  the  advantages  of  education^  Mr.  Barr 
6* 


66  SKETCH   OF  THE 

can  scarcely  be  said  to  have  shared  at  all. 
Society,  during  his  early  youth,  and  more 
especially  in  agricultural  regions,  was,  in 
Pennsylvania,  passing  through  its  transition 
state.  The  Carolinas  were  a  wilderness,  soli- 
tude the  companion  of  each  household,  and 
organizations  for  instruction  of  the  young 
hardly  to  be  found.  Of  what  might  have 
been  construed  as  indirect  self-commendation 
he  was  not  accustomed  to  speak.  But  family 
tradition  recounts  that  the  entire  period  of 
his  tuition  did  not  amount  to  more  than 
twelve  weeks  in  a  country  school,  such  as 
were  known  in  those  early  days. 

Besides,  his  youth  was  nurtured  in  a  family 
whose  frugal  portion  of  this  world's  goods, 
and  frequent  change  of  residence,  left  them 
a  library  scarce  more  than  the  old  fashioned 
Bible,  House's  version  of  the  Psalms,  Bos- 
ton's Fourfold  State,  and  the  Pilgrim's 
Progress. 

But  he  possessed  an  ardent  thu'st  for 
knowledge,  and  a  steadfastness  of  pui'pose 
which  knew  not  how  to  shrink  from  diffi- 
culties or  yield  to  discouragement. 


CHARACTER    OF   JOHX  BARR.  67 

His  reading ^as  mucli  more  extensive  than 
we  would  have  supposed  for  a  man  of  his 
avocation  and  retired  manner  of  life.  He 
possessed  not  a  large  library,  but  the  books 
contained  in  it  were  selected  with  care.  And 
what  is  far  more  important,  by  attentive  and 
frequent  perusal  their  contents  were  made 
all  his  own. 

He  read  slowly,  but  to  great  advantage. 
Thus,  of  what  he  read,  that  which  was  wor- 
thy of  preservation,  by  scarcely  an  effort  of 
memory  he  perfectly  retained. 

When  arrived  to  about  the  years  of  middle 
life,  Mr.  Barr  associated  himself  with  others 
in  the  establishing  of  a  circulating  library 
among  the  families  of  the  congregation, 
whence  were  derived  great  and  invaluable 
accessions  to  his  stock  of  knowledge.  The 
selections  were  of  the  most  substantial  char- 
acter; among  them  Eollin's  Ancient  His- 
tory, Gibbon's  Decline  and  Fall  of  the  Ro- 
mam  Empire,  Mosheim's  Ecclesiastical  His- 
tory, Robertson's  Charles  the  Fifth,  Hume's 
History  of  England,  the  works  of  Flavins 
Josephus,  Butler's  Analogy  of  Natural  and 


68  SKETCH   OF   THE 

Revealed  Religion,  and  similar  standard 
works. 

Amidst  these  an  hour  at  noon  and  hi3 
winter  evenings  were  spent.  He  read  them 
thoroughly ;  read  until  he  understood ;  and 
what  he  thus  obtained  seemed  never  to  be 
forgotten.  Long  after  he  would  refer  to 
what  he  then  read,  and  converse  on  it  with 
the  facility  and  freshness  of  recollection,  that 
we  might  expect  from  a  professional  student 
who  had  but  the  day  before  closed  the  book. 

I  was  once  present  when,  in  the  social 
circle,  a  question  was  raised  respecting  an 
alleged  statement  in  Prideaux's  Connections. 
He  showed  himself  to  be  perfectly  at  home 
in  the  positions  of  that  learned  but  not  spe- 
cially interesting  chronicler.  It  was  inquired 
if  he  possessed  the  work.  "  Oh  no,"  was  his 
reply,  "  but  I  had  an  opportunity  of  reading 
it  some  thirty  years  ago.  It  was  in  our 
Thyatira  Library,  of  which  I  had  a  share." 

Of  the  volume  of  divine  revelation  he  was 
an  unwearied  and  successful  student.  And 
by  this  we  do  not  mean  that  he  daily  passed 
over  so  many  chapters.    He  read  slowly.    In 


CHARACTER   OF   JOHN   BARR.  69 

obedience  to  the  injunction,  lie  searched  the 
Scriptures.  He  had  no  concordance;  not 
even  a  reference  Bible.  For  the  greater  part 
of  his  life  he  possessed  no  commentary,  even 
on  portions  of  the  Bible,  except  the  brief 
annotations  of  Burkitt  on  the  New  Testament. 
Dr.  Scott's  Commentary  on  the  entire  Scrip- 
tures being  published  in  this  country,  he  sent 
to  Philadelphia  and  procured  a  copy  of  it ; 
but  not  until  quite  advanced  in  life.  And 
yet  it  is  using  no  hyperbole,  or  figure  of 
speech,  to  say  he  was  second  to  no  man  with 
whom  I  ever  have  been  acquainted,  in  a  gen- 
eral and  correct  knowledge  of  the  Scriptures. 

The  book  of  inspiration  seemed  to  be 
spread  out  before  him  in  one  view.  Of  al- 
most every  passage  for  which  you  might  make 
inquiry,  he  could  refer  you  to  the  chapter,  at 
the  same  time  stating  the  connection.  And 
this,  not  from  having  apparently  bestowed  any 
special  care  to  obtain  this  kind  of  local  me- 
mory. Farthest  of  all  was  he  from  a  vain  show 
of  how  much  labour  he  had  expended  to 
acquire  it. 

His  acquaintance  with  the  Scriptures  was 


TO  SKETCH   OF   THE 

not  intuitive.  His  was  treasure  for  which  he 
digged ;  his  knowledge  he  gained ;  nor  is  it 
difficult  to  trace  the  stream  up  to  its  fountain. 
He  was  a  constant  reader  of  the  Bible.  He 
read  it  both  in  private  and  in  family  worship 
in  order.  In  conversation  with  men  of  study, 
as  on  other  subjects  of  inquiry,  he  was  always 
adding  to  his  biblical  treasures.  On  a  \isit 
to  a  friend's  house,  some  book  which  he  did 
not  possess  was  consulted,  and  through  uncom- 
mon retentiveness  of  memory,  what  he  once 
obtained  was  thence  his  own. 

Mr.  Barr's  attainments  in  almost  every 
department  of  intellectual  cultivation  within 
the  reach  of  the  English  scholar,  were  far  in 
advance  of  what  is  common  with  men  in  his 
station  of  life.  History  and  chronology, 
ancient  and  modern ;  natural,  moral,  and  men- 
tal philosophy,  in  addition  to  subjects  con- 
nected with  theology,  were  his  daily  studies, 
each  receiving  in  turn  his  undi\dded  attention. 
He  was  endowed  with  a  vigor  of  thought,  and 
had  acquired  a  patience  of  investigation, 
which  enabled  him  to  pui'sue  these  paths  of 
science  with  a  success  truly  remarkable.  And 


CHARACTER   OF  JOHN   BARR.  71 

notwithstanding  the  disadvantages  under 
which  he  had  to  labour,  and  the  honour  de- 
servedly attendant  upon  success,  the  simpli- 
city of  his  mind  seemed  not  to  allow  him  even 
to  suppose  that  his  attainments  were  beyond 
what  might  reasonbly  be  expected  of  men  in 
like  situations. 

It  may  be  asked,  How  could  one  engaged 
in  the  daily  labours  of  the  farm  obtain  time 
for  these  studies?  To  which  we  can  only 
answer,  that  such  was  the  fact,  during  a  long 
and  laborious  life.  Like  Drew  and  Carey, 
Lee  and  Burrit,  he  redeemed  time  to  be  ever 
laying  up  something  new,  and  adding  to  what 
lie  already  possessed.  The  true  secret  of 
which  was,  he  paid 

"  No  moment  but  in  purchase  of  its  worth." 

He  retired  early  in  the  evening.  At  the 
first  dawn  of  day  he  rose,  and  with  his  book 
in  his  hand,  musing,  he  sat  until  the  increas- 
ing light  enabled  him  to  read.  He  did  not 
take  up  whatever  volume  he  might  first  lay 
his  hand  upon  in  the  gray  twilight  of  the 
morning.  He  was  always  reading,  in  course, 
some  one  book,  and  that  book  lay  in  the  win- 


72  SKETCH    OF   THE 

dow,  to  receive  on  its  opening  page  the  ear- 
liest beams  of  perfect  day.  An  hoiu'  thus 
redeemed  before  the  business  of  the  farm  put 
in  its  claims — the  period  of  rest  allowed  the 
labourer  at  heat  of  day,  in  even  hay  and 
harvest  time — with  his  evenings  spent  always 
at  home,  brought  him  in  slow  but  certain 
revenue.  These  treasures  of  knowledge,  which 
enriched  his  declining  years  with  the  purest 
and  most  abundant  delights.  By  one  sojourn- 
ing a  short  time  with  his  family,  it  was 
remarked,  in  Mr.  Barr's  vast  store  of  know- 
ledge there  is  not  so  much  mystery.  To  those 
who  had  opportunity  to  observe  his  habits  of 
diligent  and  unwearied  study,  it  would  have 
been  far  more  difficult  to  explain,  had  he  not 
become  among  the  wisest  of  men. 

In  the  great  modern  enterprise  of  benevo- 
lence, he  embarked  with  all  his  soul.'  The 
cause  of  missions,  and  that  of  Sabbath 
schools  particularly  lay  near  his  heart.  To 
the  former  he  contributed  by  diffusing  infor- 
mation, by  his  money  and  his  prayers,  while 
in  addition  to  these,  the  Sabbath  school  had 
his  instructions  as  the  stated  teacher  of  a 


CHARACTER   OF  JOHX  BARR.  73 

class  composed  of  young  men  of  colour,  until 
bis  last  sickness  called  him  off  the  field  of 
action  in  his  eighty-third  jesiY. 

Strange  as  it  may  now  seem,  the  temper- 
ance reformation  found  him,  not  only  the 
owner  of  a  fruit  distillery,  but  engaged  him- 
self in  the  manufacture  of  the  most  abundant 
of  all  causes  of  misery  and  crime.  How  his 
attention  was  first  turned  to  a  consideration 
of  the  evil  he  was  promoting,  it  would  be 
tedious  fully  to  relate,  as  also  what  led  to  not 
only  a  change  in  his  views,  but  to  an  aban- 
doning of  the  manufacture.  Suffice  it  to  say, 
though  he  had  but  recently  erected  a  spacious 
distillery,  and  at  much  cost  had  newly  fitted  up 
the  apparatus  of  death,  he  at  once  arrested 
the  progress  of  the  work,  and  with  his  name 
to  the  pledge,  he  lent  all  his  counsel,  his  influ- 
ence, and  his  example,  to  the  furtherance  of 
that  cause. 

He  did  every  thing  by  rule ;  but  he  seldom 
alluded  even  remotely  to  the  exercise  of  that 
mental  discipline  which  imparts  this  trait  of 
character.  Some  men  are  ever  giving  you 
notice  how  they  are  regulating  themselves, 
7 


74  SKETCH   OF  THE 

and  what  they  do.  Mr.  Barr  more  resembled 
an  old  family  clock,  whose  excellence  is  not 
that  it  can  be  turned  to  the  hour,  but  that  it 
faithfully  measures  the  time  as  graduated  on 
the  face  of  the  dial.  Whatever  he  did,  when  it 
was  finished  you  could  perceive  that  he  had 
been  operating  according  to  a  previously 
arranged  plan,  and  agreeably  to  some  stand- 
ard. His  buildings  bore  the  impress  of  well 
executed  design.  His  fences  were  for  orna- 
ment as  well  as  utility.  The  roads  leading 
from  his  dwelling  through  the  extensive  adja- 
cent forest,  were  perfectly  straight,  along 
which  the  view  was  lost  in  the  inequalities  of 
the  ground,  or  the  dim  vista  of  the  native  oak. 

To  church,  a  mile  distant,  he  seldom  rode. 
He  knew  to  a  few  minutes  the  time  requisite 
to  walk,  at  the  measured  step  of  a  man  of 
his  years.  And  however  watches  might  vary, 
or  conjectures  disagree,  the  near  approach  of 
the  appointed  hour  for  public  worship  was 
easily  determined  by  the  appearing  of  Mr. 
Barr  at  the  door  of  the  session-room. 

He  was  remarkably  free  from  corroding 
eares.     I  never   saw  him   fretted   or  vexed. 


CHARACTER    OF   JOHN   BARR.  75 

Like  a  skilful  navigator,  he  had  acquired 
the  art  of  "lying  to"  until  the  severity  of 
the  gale  was  past.  And  his  countenance 
always  shone  so  placid  that  you  could  not  but 
believe  peace  reigned  within. 

To  give  one  illustration  of  his  meek  and 
quiet  spirit :  He  had  made  extensive  prepara- 
tions to  erect  a  spacious  barn,  as  is  common 
■where  timber  abounds,  of  hewn  hers.  This 
rendered  necessary  the  aid  of  a  large  number 
of  men.  Much  trouble  and  pains  unavoidably 
preceded  the  assembling  of  his  neighbours  to 
commence  the  work.  Great  expense  had 
been  incurred  in  making  provision  for  so 
many  persons  through  several  successive 
days.  Only  had  they  entered  on  their  labours, 
when  a  settled  rain  compelled  the  builders  to 
leave  the  foundation  and  flee  for  shelter. 
With  others,  he  sat  on  his  porch,  having  in 
full  view  the  scarcely  rising  walls,  and  the 
scene  of  his  frustrated  plans.  All  were  ex- 
pressing their  deep  regrets,  some  in  one  form, 
some  in  another.  Mr.  Barr,  seeming  not  to 
hear  what  was  said  by  those  around  him,  after 
long  musing,  remarked,  "  How  beautifully  the 


T6  SKETCH   OF   THE 

descent  of  this  rain  illustrates  the  goodness 
of  the  Creator,  and  the  care  he  exercises  over 
the  works  of  his  hand,  so  abundant  as  to 
mollify  the  earth,  and  so  gentle  as  to  prepare 
it  for  the  springing  of  the  tender  est  blade  !'* 
Having  said  this  he  was  silent. 

In  early  life  he  was  ordained  a  ruling  elder 
in  the  Presbyterian  church  of  Thyatira,  theu 
under  the  pastoral  care  of  the  Rev.  Samuel 
E.  McCorkle,  D.  D.  After  the  organization 
of  that  of  Back  Creek,  near  to  his  residence, 
with  which  church  he  became  connected,  he 
there  exercised  the  same  spiritual  office  until 
the  close  of  life.  To  his  worth  as  a  member 
of  church  judicatories,  they  whom  he  met  in 
council  can  bear  ample  testimony. 

There  was  with  him  no  diS2)lay  of  intellect 
or  acquirement ;  no  expenditure  of  talent. 
As  Mr.  Adams  says  in  his  eulogy  on  La 
Fayette,  "  he  was  just  equal  to  the  occasion.'* 
He  could  skilfully  put  his  hand  to  the  hum- 
blest occupation  of  the  field  or  shop,  and  then 
in  the  hour's  rest  at  noon,  turn  with  like  ease 
to  trace  out  the  rise  or  fall  of  empires,  or  to 
the  contemplation  of  the  sublimest  truths  of 


CHARACTER    OF   JOHN   BARE.  77 

natural  or  mental  pliilosophy.  A  day  labourer 
on  his  own  farm,  and  a  scientific  agriculturist, 
bred  to  no  meclianic  art,  yet  an  architect  by 
rule ;  called  to  know  little  of  the  world,  still 
a  mse  counsellor  in  time  of  perplexity  ;  ready 
to  learn  from  every  one  who  could  teach,  him- 
self the  safest  expounder  of  truth  ;  a  weaver  of 
the  most  tasteful  diamonds  for  domestic  cov- 
erlets, and  a  successful  student  of  Bacon's 
principles  of  inductive  philosophy ;  the  best 
cooper  of  the  district,  while  Locke  himself 
could  scarcely  have,  with  more  skill,  unfolded 
the  treasures  of  his  own  treatise  on  the  Hu- 
man Understanding  ;  seldom  beyond  the  limits 
of  his  own  country,  yet  on  the  map  of  the 
world,  in  tracing  the  boundaries  of  empires, 
and  the  course  of  rivers,  as  much  at  home  as 
in  the  relative  position  of  his  fields  and  the 
current  of  the  intersecting  brooks ;  a  man  of 
domestic  spii'it  and  habits,  yet  conversant  with 
the  transactions  of  European  courts,  as  if  com- 
missioned to  treat  with  them  on  questions  of 
national  importance. 

On  the  day  that  his  remains  were  commit- 
ted to  the  grave,   one  who  knew  him  well 


78  SKETCH   OF  THE 

exclaimed  in  sadness,  "  Could  he  but  have  left 
us  in  bequest,  those  moral  and  intellectual 
treasui'es  which  he  gathered  through  a  long 
and  laborious  life!"  But  such  inheritance 
none  can  transmit ;  such  bequest  'tis  not  in 
man  to  make.  To  call  these  moral  excellen- 
cies our  own,  "we  must  seek  for  and  cultivate 
them  ourselves ;  to  enjoy  these  intellectual 
stores,  they  must  be  gathered  by  our  own 
labours. 

And  where  shall  we  find  an  example  more 
effectually  to  inspire  the  young  man  with  high 
resolve,  and  cheer  him  with  confident  hope? 
Here  we  see  leading  the  way,  and  beckoning 
us  to  follow,  the  son  of  an  obscure  labouring 
man,  brought  up  in  obscurity,  employed  in 
the  unvarying  toils  of  the  field,  without  edu- 
cation, with  few  books,  having  neither  advan- 
tage of  name  nor  influence  of  patron ;  every 
thing  against  him,  save  only  a  thirst  for 
knowledge,  and  a  patient  searching  after 
truth.     We  have  seen  to  what  he  attained. 

In  attempting  briefly  to  sketch  the  charac- 
ter of  one  whose  moral  and  intellectual 
features  were  so  distinctly  traceable,  while  I 


CHARACTER   OF  JOHN  BARR.  79 

would  do  honour  to  the  man,  and  justice  to 
his  talents  ;  while  I  would  speak  in  profound 
respect  of  his  native  genius,  and  his  acquired 
resoui'ces,  I  would  above  all  contemplate  him 
as  the  man  of  God,  strong  in  faith,  rich  in 
the  fruits  of  love,  and  adorned  with  the 
beauties  of  holiness. 

He  died  full  of  years  and  honour,  lamented 
by  all  good  men.  It  is  not  a  costly  monu- 
ment which  in  Thyatira  church-yard  marks 
the  spot  where  his  ashes  repose.  He  needs 
none.  But  of  those  who  saw  his  sun  in 
the  evening  of  life  go  down  full  orbed, 
without  a  cloud,  there  is  traced  indehbly 
upon  the  tablet  of  the  heart  the  remem- 
brance of  John  Barr  ;  a  name  sacred  to  piety, 
to  genius,  and  a  patient  search  for  truth. 
Cheered  by  a  confident  and  abiding  expecta- 
tion of  another  world,  in  the  full  exercise  of 
his  reason,  and  a  quiet  waiting  until  his 
change  should  come,  with  his  family  around 
him,  and  in  the  presence  of  his  brethren,  he 
bade  life  adieu  on  the  10th  of  November, 
1831,  in  the  eighty-third  year  of  his  age. 
^'Satisfied  with  long   life,"  sustained  by  a 


80  SKETCn    OF   JOHN   BARR. 

hope  full  of  immortality,  "  after  he  had  served 
his  own  generation,  by  the  will  of  God,  he 
fell  on  sleep,  and  was  laid  unto  his  fathers." 
S.  M.  ANDREWS. 
DoYLESTOWX,  Pa.,  Jan.  1852. 


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